Navigating the Perinatal Period as a Neurodivergent Mom
Let’s be real: being neurodivergent can be a superpower, but it’s also exhausting living in a world that wasn’t built for your brain. Now toss in pregnancy, birth, and the unpredictability of life with a new baby, and suddenly, your usual coping mechanisms don’t seem to work anymore.
We Don’t Prepare Moms for This.
And it might lead you to ask, “Why?”
When you consider that in the United States, the revenue generated in the Baby & Child market is estimated to be $0.48 billion in 2024—and growing larger every year—it becomes clear where the focus lies. Society prioritizes baby registries and nursery décor while completely ignoring the realities of life after the baby arrives.
This isn’t an accident—it’s the result of a patriarchal, capitalist system that treats caregiving as invisible labor. Add to that the unique challenges of being neurodivergent, and it’s no wonder so many moms are left “drowning in motherhood”. Inclusive Providers can help you prepare and cope with this drowning feeling.
But the truth is that you don’t have to fall into this trap. Let’s break it down.
Pregnancy: Information Overload & Sensory Chaos
Most of us grow up imagining pregnancy as nothing but magical. And while some women do love being pregnant, a great many do not. Pregnancy can be a lot. And if you’re neurodivergent, “a lot” sometimes feels like too much.
The Research Rabbit Hole: Neurodivergent moms tend to dive into our research—it’s how we feel prepared. But the avalanche of conflicting advice out there can be a recipe for analysis paralysis. One day you’re deep-diving into car seat safety, and the next, you’re questioning if you’re eating the right kind of broccoli.
Tip: Pick no more than three trusted sources for your questions (e.g., a knowledgeable provider, a well-researched book, and a local expert). Everything else? Noise.
Sensory Overload: Pregnancy is already a whirlwind of changes, but for neurodivergent moms, it can amplify sensory sensitivities to the max. The heightened smells, the weird food textures, and the endless poking and prodding at appointments? Let’s not even get started on random strangers touching you, talking to you, or commenting on how you look.
Tip: Advocate for yourself.
If the overhead lights at your OB’s office are too much, ask if they can dim them. If the hum of a fetal Doppler is making your skin crawl, bring earplugs to your appointments (or forego the ultrasounds altogether). Need a different room or a heads-up before being touched? Say so. Advocating for your needs doesn’t make you "high maintenance"; it helps you feel safe and respected.
Birth: The Unpredictability Dilemma
For many neurodivergent moms, unpredictability is the ultimate nightmare. And since birth is something we can prepare for but can’t control, it can feel especially overwhelming when things don’t go according to plan.
The Myth of Control: The idea of surrendering to labor can feel impossible, especially if you’re a planner/perfectionist/“Type-A” kind of person. Birth plans can help, but they’re just that– “plans”.
Tip: Think of your birth plan as a list of preferences, not directives. And don’t forget to take your sensory needs and communication styles into account. Share it with your support team in advance, and make sure your partner is on the same page.
Advocating During Labor: Hospital settings can feel chaotic, and the constant stream of medical jargon can lead to tune-out mode and cause you to miss important details. Ensure your team respects your boundaries and understands your communication needs.
Tip: Have a trusted support person who can advocate for you when you’re not up for it. And don’t be afraid to ask, “Can you explain that again?”
Breastfeeding: The Learning Curve
Let’s debunk a myth right now: breastfeeding is natural, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Add ADHD or autism into the mix, and the challenges can feel magnified.
Sensory Overwhelm: Breastfeeding can easily trigger sensory sensitivities. From the sensation of the latch to the sounds, the wetness, and the endless hours of close contact, it can quickly become an overwhelming experience for neurodivergent moms.
Tip: Create a feeding station with sensory-friendly items—soft blankets, fidget tools, noise-canceling headphones—and allow yourself to take breaks.
The Perfectionism Trap: It’s easy to feel like you’re failing if breastfeeding doesn’t go as planned.
Tip: Your worth as a mom is not tied to how you feed your baby. Formula, combo-feeding, and pumping are valid options. You’re still awesome.
Postpartum: The Forgotten Fourth Trimester
This is where our culture seriously drops the ball. We glorify bouncing back and ignore the inequity of the mental load, the intensity of identity shifts, and the sheer exhaustion and isolation of early motherhood.
Postpartum Anxiety and Rage: Up to 20% of new moms experience a perinatal mental health disorder, and those with ADHD or autism may be at an even greater risk.
Tip: Build your support system before your baby arrives. This could include an inclusive provider, a therapist, postpartum doula, mentor, or a partner who's truly committed to the work. Don't wait until you're in the thick of it—focus on creating a comprehensive, individualized postpartum plan.
Routine Upheavals: Babies don’t care about schedules, which can feel destabilizing if you rely on routines to stay grounded.
Tip: Focus on creating flexible rhythms rather than rigid schedules. Think “morning diaper change and feeding” rather than “6:00 AM feeding.”
Lack of Time Alone: The constant demands of a newborn can leave you feeling like you have no time to recharge or process emotions. It's easy to feel overwhelmed and disconnected from yourself.
Tip: Carve out time alone and focus on your breathing, even if it's just five minutes in the bathroom at first. Prioritize self-care, even in tiny doses, so you don’t burn out.
Tip: Carve out time alone and focus on your breathing, even if it's just five minutes in the bathroom at first.
Prioritize self-care, even in tiny doses, so you don’t burn out.
How to Plan for a Healthy Postpartum
You deserve more than survival mode. Here’s how to flip the script:
Educate Yourself: Prepare by taking classes or reading about the birth process, breastfeeding, and baby care.
Prepare Your Space: Think beyond the nursery. Create sensory-friendly areas for both you and baby. Set up your home with ease and functionality in mind.
Line Up Support: Identify your village and set clear expectations. “Can you bring dinner once a week?” is better than “I will let you know if we need help.”
Take Inventory of Your Responsibilities: Before baby arrives, assess your current obligations and decide what can go. Prioritize what's essential and let go of the "rubber balls" (things that can bounce back) versus "glass balls" (things that break). Find shortcuts and use them whenever possible. This isn’t the time for high expectations or perfectionism—focus on what truly matters.
The word "postpartum" has sadly become synonymous with postpartum depression, but let's flip the narrative. With the right tools, support, and mindset, you can have a manageable, joyful, and empowered postpartum experience—no matter what your neurotype.
